Isn't it silly, how easy it is to convince yourself that you'll never be good enough for the one person you truely want to be everything to?
We live in a world, unfortunately, where real hope is viewed as something almost pointless.
Hope too much, and you're nothing but a dreamer. Don't hope enough, and you're a pessimist.
Believe in false hope... And you're an outcast.

Upon meeting my current (hopefully, longlasting) love interest, I've hoped for a chance with him, but constantly thought to myself that I'd never ever deserve someone so wonderful. Since meeting him, and losing contact with him for nearly a year, I've been with a few less than respectable males, and I firmly believe that those relationships didn't work out, because of the lack of hope that it would last, on top of issues with instability. Neither can be blamed on anyone. What happens, happens. Thats just the way it is.
But after being with my ex for 3 weeks, and telling him over and over, that the only way to have a good relationship is to have faith that it will last, instead of throwing the blame around for whatever reason, I've come to realise that I was one hundred percent right. Had Steven trusted me, and had faith that I wouldn't hurt him, I wouldn't have had to fear him, and I probably would have stayed. The constant accusations, eventually, will drive anyone away. People don't respond well to being heckled, right?.

So, I responded. I did what I had to do to make sure I was safe. I tried to make it as unpainful as possible. I may have failed, but at least I tried.

Now, as of a week ago...

I have a wonderful relationship, with a wonderful man, whom I've loved since the day we met. Silly me, and my lack of hope. I couldn't have ever guessed that he'd wanted to be with me. I couldn't tell you how long he's wanted it either, but knowing that he has, has given me the most amazing sense of hope. I pray that this lasts, and I pray that I have what it takes make him truely happy. He deserves the best, and I have every intention of giving him the best of me.

I love you, jeremy. Always will.
I wish I had told you that a year ago, it probably could have saved alot of hurt, but I'm wiser now, for what I've been through, and I thank you for comming back to me. You mean the world to me, love.